Dear adult, here is some advice on how to talk to me.
I find humor in those that find no fault in the phrase "in order to talk to a teenager, you must think like a teenager". One will never be able to think like another, this is due to a small gift from God called variation. Assumptions can not be made, draft ideas can not be drawn, on how teenagers think or how we do or what we will do. If you want to talk to me, you should not act like you have known me all my life. That's the simple rule. Further more,do not shout, I am sure I will be able to hear you, you do not have to act like we are in different rooms, I bet I will understand you more if you speak to me in cool, calm and collected manner. What? Why are you speaking so fast? There is enough time for you to finish your sentence. Lastly, and this is probably the most important point, do not speak to me like a child. I will value your input in my life but I will not be ruled. I live for myself and for no one else and if you want to talk to me, you must understand that. I am not unapproachable, in contrary, I am quite the opposite. I would love to talk to you and get to know you, and for you to know me, all you have to do is to listen to my advice.
Steve-O-o Mhlanga
Dear Adults
REF: SOME ADVISE ON HOW TO TALK TO US
It has come to my attention that if you want something done
or a change you have to do it yourself first and so I am writing this letter
advising you on how to talk to us, teenagers.
I am sure that we all desire the pleasure of people
acknowledging that they have heard and understood our motives for doing or
saying certain things. It is quite de-motivating when people automatically
label you as ‘incorrect’ or ‘irrelevant’ because you are not the one in authority
or are younger and not as wise based on your age.
I am a young lady, a child just as you once were and one I day
am going to look back and look at what I achieved. A house cannot stand without
a firm foundation and therefore our foundation is dependent on you remembering
that for you to help us, we have to let you. This can be very easily achieved
by five easy steps:
Firstly, do not mark us wrong because we are ‘immature’
because we believe the world is our oyster and there are endless opportunities.
We experiment a lot and that is how most discoveries were made and we would
therefore appreciate it if you let us have a say in our own lives and the
choices we make. Give us alternatives and do not just talk to us in black and
white. We do understand that you were young before but it is only fair to not
limit us because it may benefit us where it did not for you.
Secondly, I believe that it is only fair for you to
understand that we are only young once and that
we are going to live each day to the fullest not wishing to bring harm
to anyone, but rather make the best out of every day as if it was our last.
This only further emphasises that you should give us alternatives and not
limited options.
Thirdly, do not pretend to be our best friends just so that
you can have a daily dosage of teenage drama. It does not work. Teenagers can
smell hypocrisy from miles away. Instead of building up a relationship that
only strains it and you immediately lose our trust. We do don trust easily and
therefore if you break it, earning it again may be impossible and you will only
earn a bad name for yourself. We desire a true companion, who doesn’t try to
please us but rather is who they are and does not try and get into our heads.
Fourthly, we are big headed and love trying out things by
ourselves and having our decisions considered. We need elderly figures to be
there when we fall. We are like puppies, fragile and full of enthusiasm. Life
is not a bed of roses so we are always going to be pushed around and are going
to fall. You do not have to lift us up but just knowing that you are there
makes us feel that the support is there. When we were five you pressured us to
learn to ride a bicycle, and you were there always to help us get up every time
we fell, until we could do it on our own.
It is a similar story now; we need your indirect help each
and every day when we fall and encouragement to keep pushing until we can
balance on our own. This we will also carry with us, helping our children.
Last but not least, we are rough diamonds. We are still
learning to control our tempers and acknowledge that sometimes we are also
wrong. Sometimes it is hard to understand why we are being labelled as wrong,
because of the belief that once a teenager, you are arrogant. This therefore
concludes that we need patience and your understanding.
Could talking to a teenager be made simpler?
Yours sincerely
mamo
First thing is first, you do not have to raise your voice at me
especially for petty issues. I get it that you have been on this planet for a
longer time than me but do not think of yourself more superior than I am. It is
simply degrading and makes me feel so worthless. It just makes the situation
worse than it already has to be. Do not treat me like I know nothing and
everything you say if of a greater level of intelligence than anything I have
to say. In order to have a conversation, I should also be allowed to express
myself. Whatever I say seems wrong to you or it’s not what you want to hear,
but it’s what makes sense to me so don’t make me seem or feel stupid for the
things I say because frankly, I make mistakes just as you do. Don’t make
yourself seem perfect. One thing you have to realize is that im actually
growing up and im an educated eighteen year old girl who reads fifty shades of
grey not because I have to but because I want to. So don’t sit there and judge
me for reading it when there are a million of other things about you that I
could sit and judge you about but frankly im to busy caring about my own life
rather than yours. You have to understand that it’s my choice to do what I do,
and the last thing that I need is an adult telling me what I can and cannot do
instead of letting me make my own bad choices and decisions and learning from
them. I don’t understand what makes you an adult or what an adult is. What
criteria do I have to be to fit into the one of an adult? Is it my dressing, my
age, the way I talk? All I know is that we were all put on this earth to serve
a purpose. So next time when you want to talk to me, don’t put yourself at a
level that’s above mine because we are equal.
Yoncé
Firstly , when talking to a teenager, especially in
my age group, try not to say too much, in fact maybe just don’t talk if it’s
not necessary, but if we have to exchange some words then…
Talk to me in a calm voice, a voice that makes me
feel comfortable and safe around you don’t make me feel afraid of you because
of an unpleasant tone. Talk to me with respect, if you do, I will gladly return
the favour and speak to you with utmost respect and care, if not, well, be
prepared for a mouthful!
Secondly, don’t speak to me in a dull and boring
tone, otherwise you will enjoy watching me fall asleep, for this to be avoided,
speak in an up-beat tone, throw in a few jokes and sarcasm, this will get me
interested in what you have to say and I might actually respond well to you.
Also, try not telling me what to do, this will make
me rebellious, and instead of listening, I will do the exact opposite. And lectures
don’t even go there, in my opinion you’re just wasting your breath and racking
your brain for intelligent words that I probably don’t understand. Avoid
comparing us to other people, most adults tend tell us we are unique, but that
seems to be forgotten when someone does better than us in class.
Lastly, talk to me with love, this will make me open
up to you and the barrier walls between teenagers and adults will slowly come
down, this will show you that we’re not so dark after all. You just need to
speak to us in an appropriate manner and that we will respond well to. Instead
of raising your voice, raise an issue. If all these steps are followed,
teenagers and adults will be able to engage in frequent, friendly conversations!
Kajal_A
Dear Adult,
It’s come to my attention that there is a
communication barrier between adults and teenagers, which could potentially be
detrimental to our development. So I’ve come up with a few tips on how to talk
to me, well, teenagers in general really.
We can understand most things, and most
long words but if you want to keep us interested, try to use simple phrases.
However, don’t dumb yourself down – we’re not babies, and that’s one sure fire
way to lose our respect. The fact that we’re talking to and confiding in you is
something worth appreciating – it takes a lot of courage to talk to an adult.
Don’t ruin it by making it about you, and put yourself in our shoes before you
judge us.
We respond well to humour so try to drop
some of that in to the conversation. Out of politeness we will laugh at all
your jokes, no matter how bad, so it’s only fair that you do the same- it’ll
make us less self-conscious. Be expressive- sit facing towards me, this way
I’ll know I have your full attention, and try to use your hands, this will
engage us in and draw us into the conversation. And just a heads up, we can
tell what an adult thinks just by their facial expression, it’s like a gift we
have, so be careful about how you look at us – a reassuring smile is usually
the best.
Also, try not to talk down at me but talk
to me. If you are going to give advice, give advice that you would give your
friend not your child, this will make us more likely to tell you more because
we see you as a friend. Nods of your head in appropriate places reassure us
that you understand and that you’re listening. As a teenager myself, sometimes
all we need when we have problems is someone to listen to us, not judge us and
smile, letting us know that everything’s going to be okay.
And when we’re deep in conversation and
have a disagreement don’t refer to my responses as ‘talking back’, I am merely
‘explaining myself’.
If you follow these easy tips, the next
time you talk to a teenager will be a breeze. I give you a stamp of approval.
Until we have to talk,
Chloe
Chloe Arumainayagam
