Everyday we live, we face an unknown
danger. Our past threatens to ruin our present and stomp on our future. How
hard is it to accept who you are and love yourself?
If you were to know me as the person
I really am, would you still think the same of me? Each layer of me has its
unique story hardened over time, representing a phase of my life long gone.
Peel each layer off and see me as I truly am. Would you still look at me with
such a kind eye? I, the owner, do not know what lies beneath.
I feel the numbness set in as I go
about purging unwanted memories and destroying any traces of them. They are the
truth I evade. They hold the key to finding who I am and who I want to be.
These memories lie in the deep, dark recesses of my soul where they will remain
until I am ready to face them. When I am ready I will reach into the abyss that
my soul has become and seek out the forgotten memories.
Each day as a new layer forms I learn
more about what lies beneath. I catch brief flashes from my past as I struggle
to suppress hoards of memories kept at bay by the fear of knowing something
that could either destroy me or build me up. Sometimes it feels like a ray of
sunshine is beaming in the darkness probing the dark for a glimmer of hope. I
secretly wish to find parts of me that vanished alongside the memories I
trample on. How bad could knowing the truth be?
Facing our fears is one of the hardest and
scariest tasks we have to go through at some point in our lives. Each person
will fight their own battles. While some will leave the battlefield as victors,
some will return defeated. It is the will to carry on when everything seems to
be failing that will determine the true victors in these raging wars. Our state
of mind ultimately decides on whether we succeed or fail.
With each day that passes I wonder
what would happen if I let my guard down. Am I scared of who I will become? I
will only know when I face that fear. When I am ready I will open up my soul,
let the sun shine through it and wander into the forgotten realm. I will seek
out all the truth I need to know. I lost touch with the person I thought I was
when the first layer formed and continued to lose a part of myself as each new
layer was formed. I will find who I was and I will know who I am. I will no
longer hide, I only seek the truth!
He has been shut out of this familiar
place for ages, maybe it’s time I opened my doors. I need him! When I am lost
in the darkness within me, he is the light that guides me onto the righteous
path. He has seen the person I truly am, yet he chooses to love me. Each time I
let him in he, takes with him a layer when he leaves. Through him I will be
able to define who I am.
I am a beautiful, unparalleled being
and nothing will ever change that. I am perfect in his eyes, he sees through
all my imperfections and he still loves me even though he knows what lies
beneath. I am unique and I will not be discouraged by a world which sees life
from a different perspective. Facing my fear of the truth has set me free, I
will never submit to fear again.
Fear will hold its victims hostage
until they break free from its bondage and fight it. By knowing who I am, I
have set myself free. Fear will never overcome me, I will fight for what I
believe. Fear will only exist where there is a lack of faith and where it is
welcome. When the world seems dark and you find yourself losing your way, remember
who your Father is. The Lord will always watch over us regardless of who we
are.
Kundai Chiremba
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