"What if?" -- zvipoc

What If I were a sand particle? Perhaps somewhere in the Antarctica, I’d be unique there, brown and special. Maybe I’d be warm, the only one to radiate heat. It doesn’t make any sense, I know, but I’d like to think sand particles retain warmth and never give in to the freezing cold. Perhaps I’d make a few friends, I’d never be able to tell them apart tough, snow particles all look the same.

What if, after my explorations of the “Freezing Continent,” I somehow drifted into the sea or ocean? It wouldn’t really matter because I’d be happy there. I’d get devoured by the deep, electric current. I’d be allowed to drown in it, lose myself.  I’d be carefree and lighter than ever. I imagine I’d be my best with the water, well rounded with my edges smoothed out. I’d have a perfectly gentle feel. One day, when I’d lost enough pieces of myself, the heavy pieces, I’d find myself dissolved and absorbed absolutely. Id dance and skip with immeasurable joy from one aspect of the current to the next. On some days, I’d sink to the bottom, maybe say “hallo” to my fellow particles on the ground. I’d like to believe that at least once I’d have an experience similar to Jonah’s from the bible. I wonder what the mouth of a whale would feel like in my dissolved state. I think I’d enjoy it, at some point however, I imagine I’d want to be some place other than a digestive system.

What if the sea spit me out and I found myself in a desert? Dubai I’d imagine, amongst my people. I’d feel in place there but slightly insecure about my individuality. I’d start at right at the bottom, it’s what I’d want; to be unmoved and untouched by anything other than my distant Arabic cousins. Perhaps I’d find some close family from Parent Rock, we’d have so much to catch up on. There’d be so many untold stories and unshared advice. Eventually I’d find myself at the top, perfectly victim to the travelling air. I’d join a dune, and maybe, just maybe the desert elders would let me be Zenith Particle. I’d shout to the world my name while I had the chance to be its exalted queen. I’d scream all of my joys and triumphs, but only after I’d cried out my pain and suffering, only then would the good things, the happy things have meaning.

What if, while I frolicked through the desert, I lost some water weight? I’d like to believe that I’d become a dust particle. The wind would finally stop pushing me around and adopt me as an honorary member. Id float, weightless, above everything. I imagine I’d have mixed feelings about it all. I’d love the feeling of flight and the colour of the world that danced beneath me. On some days I’d abhor the very wind that had taken me in for exposing my heart to the burning forestry, choking trees and mute birds that would never be able to sing “hallo” as they flew us by. I’d detest the darkness that visited seemingly often, seemingly uncontrollable, seemingly appealing. I’d wait like an expectant toddler for the days that the sun came home to kiss my face. On days like those, I would appear with the one beam of light that broke through the human’s windows. I’d imagine that they’d think of our trinity- wind, sun and dust spec as glorious!

What if I ended up in Africa, Zimbabwe, pamusika paAmai Getty? Id listen to the sound of her booming, horrible laughter as she played with the sweet, dirty children from across the street. I’d lie there on the ground and bask in the African sun. The rain would shoot down, but chose to stroke me gently, like a mother would her new born baby, not once would it try to drown me out. I imagine that someday, I’d get whisked away by the bottom of a man’s shoe, glued to it by a piece of freshly chewed gum, preferably a berry flavour. It’d be there that I met my lover. We’d share our journeys old and new.

What if the man cleaned his shoe, or shook it maybe? What if he split my lover and me? What if I wanted not one more experience without him? What then?

zvipoc